I will light more candles

I was always the kid who saved her favorite food item for last at the dinner table --only to have my sister lean over quickly, stick a fork in it and push it into her mouth before I could fathom what she was doing.

You know that lovely smelling candle I’ve been saving from Illuminations? The one I placed near the window? It melted. And those fragrant soaps I’ve been saving in a basket in my bathroom have lost their scent.

I think the impulse to save something good for a later time is perhaps a signal for me to enjoy it now. Good things I enjoy will come for me later. I don’t need to hold on to them now.

It feels almost shameful to me to have done this to myself. I want to use and enjoy what I have and give away that which I am not using or enjoying anymore.

In the movie, Sideways, Maya blasts Miles for hoarding a '61 Cheval Blanc (one of the greatest Bordeaux) for a special occasion. She says to him, "I think the day you open a '61 Cheval Blanc, that's the special occasion."

For now on, I am going to make a conscious effort to create special moments in my life by enjoying the things I have. I will light more candles. No more waiting for that special moment to come to me. Because for the most part, we often don't recognize a special moment until after it has happened and we are looking back.
Why wait a lifetime to use the special things in your life when we already know a lifetime is too short to wait.

It's Blazing Hot!

whew.

It's a scorching 109 degrees here in Dallas and it's 9 pm. The earth feels so parched. The locusts are singing their songs. Belting out really loud at times. (or yelling!)

I fly into San Francisco tomorrow. My aunt who lives in San Bruno tells me, "Oh Shawnee, it's so hot, but I got on my sweatshirt!"

I've been having such a wonderful time despite this intense heat.

We took a road trip down to Austin for a few days. We stayed a couple of nights at the funky, yet trendy Austin Motel.. in a cool room near by the pool on S. Congress Avenue.

Each morning we'd walk next door to Jo's Coffee Shop and the first morning we ordered a hot coffee, but this morning we ordered an iced-coffee and I think we walked with our backs so straight from feeling proud of our order, I think I pulled a muscle.

We met my San Francisco pals, Wes and his wife, Kyle at Barton Springs. I felt like I was living in the past watching the people swim. And, especially when a tired out cowboy rodeo clown introduced us to his dog saying, "He starred in Billy Bob's movie THE ALAMO." And then invited us to spend an evening with him watching the Play on the hillside overlooking Barton Springs: "Seven Brides For Seven Brothers", which we politely declined.

Wes taught me something he picked up since he's moved to Texas.

He said, "Folks can gossip as much as they want about somebody, just as long as they finish their sentence with: "Bless their heart".

For example: "Can you believe Miss Lucille was bendin' over at the local Piggly Wiggly when her dress hiked up and it exposed her "Sunday" undies and it's Tuesday afternoon?! (sigh). (a few moments). "Bless her heart."

It's still blazing hot. But, I will miss this place and the people here when I go.

Happy Birthday Julie

Julie Miller I Still Cry


Today is Julie's birthday.

She is, happily for me, a good friend of mine.

Years ago, in our early twenties, and before she was married to Buddy, she and I travelled around the country in a mazda with a broken-down air conditioner during the summer that lasted several years.

I remember while living in New York City, for a time, we hung out with the then unknown singer/songwriter Shawn Colvin. Shawn had one of those flats that had a toilet in her kitchen. And, I remember Shawn bathing, while I sat on the toilet while Julie heated water for tea at the same time.

Julie and I didn't have much money back then. We'd practically live off a slice of cheese pizza a day.

I remember one time Julie was opening for another band and as we drove through the City, she waved her dress out the window to iron it out.

Another time, while in Tulsa, we were selling records and Julie never felt comfortable selling records. Ever.

And, one day, I offered to write BUY SETS on the back of her eye lids. I really did believe customers would read her message sublimely and buy an entire set of records. Dear sweet Julie truly believed in me. She handed me her eye liner pencil and I wrote BUY on on eye lid and SETS on the other and to this day, still feel a sting in my heart when I remember that day. Within moments, all Julie had were dark smudges around her eyes. And, I don't recall Julie selling a single record because of my bright idea.

Julie is my lifetime friend. She saved me in so many ways. She is my walking angel in my life.

While nearly murdered and lying in a hospital bed in Olympia, Julie rushed to my side and spent the entire night with me before my mom and sister flew up to take care of me.

I flew into Dallas yesterday.

I met Julie in East Texas. Being back here and coupled with her birthday, I can't stop thinking of her. I spent an evening with friends in the outskirts of Dallas tonight in a small town called Midlothian.

Maybe it's the hot summer night. Maybe it's the way the trees grow out here. Or the stars shining so brightly in the night sky. Maybe it's because Midlothian reminds me of a chapter in the bible.

I miss you, Julie. In a very huge way.

May your birthday bring you all the tender joys and magic life can bring.

You live in my heart forever.

. . . And then there was no furniture

I just read a newspaper article about a woman in Washington who was reported missing from her husband. The police found her body buried under a huge pile of clothes inside her house after a 10-hour search. Her husband believes she fell while looking for the phone and because there were so many piles of stuff, the man couldn't find where she fell.

She suffered from a condition called Hoarding.

It was estimated that several tons of debris was piled up inside the house and the police's heads kept touching the ceiling as they climbed over the clutter. They didn't even see her until their second search of the home.

I am not a hoarder by any means, but I have been wanting to get rid of my extra clutter before the summer ended.

Now I've been forced into it more quickly than I expected as I'm getting my floors refinished beginning tomorrow morning.

Within the last few months, I've been wanting less clutter in my life. It's an interesting phenomenon. It's happening all around me. Because I know, once I put my sight and heart on such a thing, the universe begins to set this in motion and helps me out.

It all began about a week and a half ago, when my hard drive crashed.

I lost everything. Every email, bookmarks, email addresses, artwork, photos, itunes, stories I had written. Invoices. Bank statements. Everything. Those who have experienced this, can relate to this huge, sudden loss.

I had planned to back things up, but I wrestled with the notion that I would have more CDs and more CDs meant more clutter. So I held back and now have ... nothing.

It was horrifying to me when it happened, but I've dealt with the loss and now enjoying my bare hard drive. I plan to keep it clean and organized and back things up on a more regular basis.

And, when an 85-year-old man on oxygen, gave me his used treadmill, a soft-tub and other things last summer, I reluctantly took them off his hands, worrying if I had any room to store them, but over the weekend, he apparently decided it was worth $3,000.00 and wanted the money immediately.

Instead, I packed them up and delivered his gifts back. Immediately.

It feels good to have those things out of my house. I am enjoying the extra space.

Once my floors are redone, I am only going to bring back inside my house only the things I really want. And the other things will either be tossed in the garbage, donated or sold in a garage sale.

I'm really excited about this new place of calm I'm inviting into my life.