Learning. One day at a time.

Feet. Nothing but feet and legs walking back and forth and back and forth. Those tired worn out emergency curtains are only good for a bit of privacy.

But only a visual privacy.

You can hear every conversation going on. Every single private confidential conversation between doctor and patient. I was entertained at first.

I actually wanted the curtains to open up so I could watch all the action from my gurney and be able to listen better. So much was going on. Nearly every couple of hours another helicopter was landing on the roof. "Code Blue!" I heard over the loudspeaker at least twice. I whispered a prayer for him ... as I always do when an ambulance passes by.

I laid there while my sister sat in a chair next to me for more than seven hours. What a patient and loving sister! (And she works in that same hospital as a nurse and yet spent that time there with me on her day off)!

(my mother was unable to visit as she is still radioactive from her thyroid cancer treatments and needs to be isolated)

We played 20 Questions and eavesdropped on my neighbors on either side behind the curtains.

The doctors are checking me for a matter of things. They hooked me up to a monitor to check my vital organs. I've had a brain cat scan and and EKG, a slew of blood tests, and soon I'm going to have a brain MRI and an EEG along with a visit to the neurologist.

So far the results are negative (which is positive).

I experienced some sort of black-out over the weekend.

My blood pressure is remarkably high ... just under the clouds ...I think. And, my pulse races much too quickly.

Between my early morning kitchen remodel to working side illustration jobs late into the evenings... I've barely had any time to do much else.

I've been behind on my house cleaning. And yard work. And emails. And have too many unreturned phone calls. I've been saying no to get-togethers with friends and dinners with my family.

Everything that keeps me feeling centered and at peace, I have been neglecting, and saying no to. Ultimately making me the author of my own unhappiness.

On a deeper level, I know better.

As I concentrate on getting better, I am reminding you to be kind toward yourself as well, in all the choices you make about your everyday life.

there is a voice inside of you
that whispers all day long,
"i feel that this is right for me,
i know that this is wrong."
no teacher, preacher, parent, friend
or wise man can decide
what's right for you- just listen to
the voice that speaks inside." ~ Shel Silverstein

Tot Town

I have a new line of fabric out. It's called TOT TOWN. And I can't tell you how much I enjoyed drawing these. I designed this around Halloween and I've been anxious for it to come to fabric so I can share this with you. Especially the town itself. It was so much fun and I just got lost in it. I equally enjoyed the puzzle of fitting the streets together so it would all fit in a half drop tile formation.

Here is the rest of the line.
I hope one day I can have the opportunity to starch Tot Town onto a wall of my little nephew and niece's play room wall.

They took everything (and) the kitchen sink

And to think it all started after I opened up my kitchen wall.

There is a fine soot of dust covering everything. I can taste it settling on my lips and it stings in the corners of my eyes.

There are pieces of plaster, bits of wood and general rubble that has collected all along the walls and between board slats.

I have been without a sink and stove for nearly two weeks. I am camping out in here. It took me 45 minutes to come upon my can opener last night to heat up string beans in my microwave. I'm tired of breaking plastic forks in my mouth while I chew or the way the plastic spoon cuts the sides of my lips on the inside of my mouth.

I will have a new kitchen after all this. And once the dust settles a bit more, I will write about it and show more photos.

Many mini earthquakes

We are having a cluster of small mini earthquakes shaking us about 25 miles north of where I live. It seems to be happening nearly every hour but most are too small to feel. You can view the lastest earthquakes here. You can click on the cluster of earthquakes or on any of the colored squares to get more information.

Just this morning already, earthquakes have hit at 2:14 am, 2:36 am, 3:15 am, 4:32 am, 6:05 am, 8:05 am, 9:04 am, 9:20 am, and 10:01 am.

This pattern has been going on for several days now. Does this mean the big one is coming? And are we prepared? How are we ever fully prepared?

(Click to view larger)

More fabric hot off the Mill

Experts are saying that black and white geometrical patterns are easiest for newborns and babies to see. With that said, (and because my boss asked me to)... I designed a line of fabric with black and white geometrical patterns. Well, okay.... the color red wanted to join in the fun, too! And I love those three colors together!

The fabric above is my all-time favorite of the entire line. I loved drawing it up and fitting it into a repeat pattern. I had to think on both sides of the brain which felt really good to me. I lean so heavily on the right side, I really need the left side to get some exercise!

Here are those critters again in a grid. Crafters can cut the squares out and applique them onto onesies or toddler shirts. Or use it as an already-made quilt!

These fabrics (along with more geometrical red, white and black patterns I designed) just arrived at our headquarters in NYC and will be available soon. Just wanted to be the first to show them off.

April Fools Day

I was ten years old when Kelly came home from the dentist looking as though she was sucking on a large jaw breaker. Her lips barely touching as she sat there with her mouth shut.

"What do you have in your mouth?" I asked my sister. "Did you steal one of my jaw breakers!?"

She unfolded her mouth into a smile and there it was! Not a jaw breaker but a glistening wire retainer.
"I need to wear a retainer now," she said. "And it hurts!"

"Let me see it again."
She leaned toward me so I could get a better stare.

I thought it was the coolest thing.

So one day during 5th grade, just before Show-And-Tell, I unfolded a paper clip and wrapped it around the front of my teeth. I went up in front of the class and slightly smiled to show everyone that I went to the dentist and he gave me a retainer to wear.

I tilted my head forward and moved slowly around the class so they could all see a bit of the paper clip wrapped around my teeth.

"Shawn?" asked Mr. Larson. "Is that really a retainer?"

I instantly felt ashamed and embarrassed.

"No. It's. It's.. It's..." I struggled for the words.

"It's ... It's HAPPY EARLY APRIL FOOLS DAY!!!!!!!"

It was in November.

More Dick and Jane Fabric to reveal!

I designed these Dick and Jane fabrics early last year. I almost forgot about them!

They will be released next month and will be revealed at Spring Quilt Market in Portand, Oregon in May. When I designed the other Dick and Jane fabric, it was based from the 1950s. This new collection is based from the 1960s.

Here's a few more:

i am home.

I wanted my vacation to last a lifetime. But now that it's over. I'm happy and relieved that my life has outlasted my vacation.

Instead of driving down south like last year, my traveling buddy from Dallas and I flew into the Ontario Airport and rented a convertible for -- guess how much for four days?

Thought about it? Have your answer? Ok. It was all in total, after taxes, $86 dollars. CoOOooOOl, huh? Such a lovely bargain.

And we stayed at such a wonderful place, too. I felt sad to leave.

If you've ever been to Palm Springs before, then you're well aware of the Old Las Palmas area where all the older celebrities such as Liberace, Dean Martin, Elvis Presley, Dinah Shore, Sammy Davis Jr, Zsa Zsa Gabor and all the rest of them have lived. A lot of new celebrities have homes there, too, such as Lillie Tomlin and Cher and a dozen of others.

The retro pink motel we stayed at is hidden behind hedges and gated away at the very entrance to this wonderful mid-century neighborhood overlooking the San Jacinto Mountains. We took a walk around the neighborhood one warm evening and we happened upon Liberace's home up for sale within a block from the motel.



Brenda bought some really cool chairs at the 111 Antique Mall in Palm Springs . . . just up the street where we were staying. I'm sitting on one of them testing them out. And they are so wonderful!!!

She also bought this lovely fountain at the Modern Store in the same shopping center, which she also shipped to her home in Dallas....
I wish I could tell you all the comical situations we got ourselves in. But I would need an audio button to express it better. I need the accents. The voices. The fluxuations.

It was fun. And funny. And warm. And relaxing.

We returned home to spend Easter morning at Matt's mom's house. (His childhood home) which is located next to the author Jack London's estate. (author of Call of the Wild). It's the home he grew up in Glen Ellen. His grandfather is the late Ernie Smith who was a huge talent and celebrity of sorts and also taught author Jack London how to swim the breast stroke! I wandered through London's horse stables which is on Matt's family's estate and imagined how it was way back back when. My nephew Tyler swings on the rope swing in front of Jack London's stables and Chelsea cuddles an abandoned lamb that Matt's mom found rescued on the side of the highway and is raising her by bottle-feedings. Her name is Rosie.
(middle photo is from The Bancroft Library Portrait Collection)


This photo is taken of my family (minus) Caleb who's going to UC Irvine and had to stay back and work. Chelsea is also living there in Irvine but got to get away for this lovely weekend. Sweet, sweet wonderful week.
Happy Easter! (and. we miss you caleb!)

Going South

I'm going south for a week to bask in the sun and enjoy all the things one enjoys while on vacation. I'll drop in next week! Meanwhile, you all have fun and make the most of your week.

Guilt, I was never meant to carry

I was sitting inside an auto shop waiting for my car's oil change when I saw Becky walk past the window.

I instantly recognized her. She looked the same as she did back in the 4th grade.

My family moved across town that year and I started a new school in the middle of the school year. It wasn't easy being the new kid. Becky arrived about a month later. And it wasn't easy for her either.

The kids in class were terribly rude, nicknaming her The Human Can Opener and Bucky Becky because of her protruding overbite. I always made it a point to be kind to her. But that's not what I was remembering when I saw her walk past the window.

I thought of recess.

I was slapping the red rubber ball against the side of the school wall as if playing two-square with the wall.

"Watch out Becky! You better get out of the way!" I said. Wack! WACK! wack! "You better mooOoooove!" I would shout to her.

Wack! Wack! wack! Wack! I hit the ball over and over again. Wack! wack!

She sat there on the bench in front and didn't move.

All of a sudden, the ball hit her in the face breaking her glasses. I froze. Scared and ashamed.

In my 9th grade yearbook Becky can still be seen sporting the same glasses with the white tape holding them together.

Watching her walk past the auto shop, I sat there in the cold plastic chair paralyzed with fear and shame.

I talked to some friends later about this incident of seeing Becky and how I wished I was brave enough to run out to the parking lot and ask her to forgive me for hitting her in the face. And how small I felt that I didn't do it.

They listened with their foreheads all scrunched up in little thin wrinkles arching around their brows while feeling the pain surrounding all this. "Well, maybe Shawn, you'll have another opportunity to run into her again..."

"Yeahh. Maybe!" i replied, not really believing.

. . . . . .

Several weeks later, I'm in a discount store to pick up a few supplies when I saw Becky stocking shelves! I am not scared anymore. I walked up to her and said, "Hi Becky!"

She turned and instantly recognized me, too.

"Hi Shawn!"

I reminded her of our 4th grade recess when I accidentally hit her in the face with the red rubber ball and broke her glasses.

".... I know you don't own those glasses anymore, but I would still like to pay you for the money you were out back then. I owe you restitution for my wrongdoing..."

She just stared at me for a long while and said, "Shawn. You have been feeling guilty over this all these years!? You never hit me in the face. That was Dina! Don't you remember!? I'll never forget it!"

I stood there stunned, relieved and listened.

"You were nice to me. I trusted you. You were careful around me. I knew you had good aim and you would never hurt me and that's why I didn't move."

She gently grabbed my arm and said, "Shawn that was never your guilt to begin with. You were never meant to carry it."

I walked out of that store feeling warm and relieved that I had the opportunity to say hello and ask for forgiveness. But I also felt sad that I had carried that burden for a lifetime.

As I drove home, I turned the music off and just listened to my heart.

I wondered how many other times, I have carried guilt that was never mine. I thought of various situations and realize it has been way too many times. I'm on a learning curve. I can't say I've learned all about this now because of this situation because I haven't. But I want to. And plan to.

This lifetime, though too short, is too long to carry burdens that aren't our own.